Saturday, July 28, 2012

Friday, July 27, 2012

Over the tipping point!

Today is the last day of my 20th week!  Saturdays are mini "birthday's" around here - She is due on a Saturday and I start a new "week" that day!   I was so excited to reach 20 weeks this past weekend - I am officially at the half way point - the rest is just me getting her safe!

Right now, I can feel her flipping around in there - it is such a lovely yet creepy feeling.  Right now I am enjoying the sensation and will continue to do us until she gets a little bigger.  The gentle "taps" and rolls are fine but Jason is fond of reminding me that soon she is going to be BIG and there is not all that much room in my rather tiny frame.  Soon, she is going to be banging into important organs and getting hung up on stuff.  Thanks to a over active imagination and the obscene amount of horror movies we watch, my brain has taking something sweet; and totally Alien-esqued it out on me.  Plus all of my friends screwing with me is not exactly helping ---- I fully expect to be the first case of a spontaneous birth by eruption.   

I decided on the nursery colors and ran them by El Capitan - he agreed that Pink/Gray with random splashes of yellow was as close to "gender neutral" as we were going to get.  I don't think he understands how much pink shit I can cram into a small nursery!  =D  

I have finally started having the creepy baby dreams that so many have been warning me about.  The first one was Ok; just her already being here, post eruption, and me forgetting her in random places.  Even in my dreams I am a scattered brained mother! OY!  My nap dream today involved a really twisted version of "Look Who's Talking" morphed with "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels."  I woke up confused and slightly excited that she is going come with accessories; like a Rambo-Barbie!

We went to our first baby doctor appointment on the 16th (which just happened to be Jason's 30th birthday) and got to hear her heartbeat; it up 150 BPM this time and strong! Now, I have to suck it up until mid August until I go back for my first 3rd trimester appointment!   Jesus - I am crushing this whole being pregnant thing.

Karma bit me in the ass earlier this week and now I am paying for it.  Well, Jason is paying for it but it blows for me as well!  I have been mockingly proclaiming that if pregnancy was going to be this easy (I mean, I made it 18W 3D before I had a inkling!) then I was going to give that Duggar broad a run for her money!  I was still in my "normal" clothes, the scale bounced up a bit but so did my boobs so I pretty happy, no symptoms or sickness.  BAM!  Monday I woke up bloated, popped out and obviously preggo!!!!  Yesterday I looked at my ankles and couldn't find them.  It seems that I am now just 2 thighs with feet.  It is really fricken' gross......I have the legs of Gilbert Grape's mother.  I have kept the stretch marks at bay by bathing in Coco Butter but this kid is hell bent on leaving her mark; looks like I am going to be rockin' spider veins.  Huzzah!!!!!

That is all new on this front.  We have a busy weekend planned - a cookout/cool kids HS party Saturday and  baby furniture shopping Sunday!  Good times!

Have a great last weekend of July!

One Blessed Momma!!!!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Trypanophobia Strikes Again!

History Lesson 2 -
If you know me, you know that the word "needle" puts me into a panic so deep that I used to black out just thinking of a needle anywhere near me.  After bottoms-upping the 3000 time after a simple blood draw, I decided I need to conqure the fear.  It is just a tiny piece of metal.  So I became a Phlebotomist and scared the hell out of others with needles.  I thought I was cured, I can take a blood draw without throwing up anymore; as long as I don't watch!


Flash forward to Wednesday (7.11.12).  After the excitement of the day before, the doctors decided that I was a bit far along in the pregnancy to not been seen tout suite; so they scheduled me for my first pre-natal appointment for the following morning.
My appointment went eye opening - it made me realize that I would rather squat her out in my front yard then have her at RCMC so we are currently looking into other options for pre-natal and delivery.  I want a say in my birth plan; Mayo Health Systems basically wants to strap me down, force a epidural and yank her out.  Then, charge my insurance $10,000 for a glass of water and boot us home.  Yeah.
Thanks again Republicans - "ObamaCare" is soooooooooo horrible!  It would cover me and my daughter - GOD forbid!  How socialist!
:Harrumph:

So after dealing with my nurse for a hour, who looked like a female version of Doogie Howser but knew far less, I was sent toddling down to the lab (again!) for yet another UA and blood labs.
Peeing in a cup = nailed it.
Walking into a draw station to see 10.......yes TEN (Zehn, Dix, Diez, Shi, Diec!!!) blood vials just waiting for me = I  would have peed my pants if there was any left!
I'm little.  Not like a midget.  Or a elf.  or a Smurf. But I'm still little.  And thus, I have itty, bitty veins.  That like to hide and roll.  They are a phlebotomists worst nightmare and coaxing out 1 or 2 vials would have been a feat unto itself but apparently they were feeling Herculean!
I sat down with the confidence of Mitt Romney at a NAACP meeting. =D
I stared those vials down.  Each one bigger then the next.  I pretended there was only a handful, looked at the clock and figured in 5 minutes I'd be walking out.

I'm so cute when I try and control my destiny.

My phleb walked in and I gave her the run down, "myveins suck, you won't hit them, they roll, give up now."
She was a cocky one; like I used to be.  She went straight for the vein that I told her was a fake.  It looks HUGE but as soon as a needle goes anywhere near it, it dives for my fat and hides.

"Just a pinch!"

Just a pinch, my ass!  I swear to you, it was a 8 gauge needle! At least that is what it felt like!

I made the ultimate blunder of glancing at my arm while the needle was in - and instantly started seeing spots.  So I started taking deep breathes to try and fight them off.  I am usually good - once I see spots, I breathe, ignore the phleb and they go away.  Well, at about the same time she lost the flow of blood.
So there is a game phlebs play called "wiggle the damn needle until you strike red gold or your patient passes out."  She was going for the gold!
I looked over again, saw three filled vials and her jamming that vacu-needle back and forth in my arm and watch the spots get bigger.

I literally whispered, "Pretty sure I'm going to faint on you....." then everything went black.
I was blind!  I could hear her and everything going on around me but I could not move or speak or make a squeak.  I heard a stampede of people rush into the room all yelling for stuff.
"So this is how I'm going to die......"
The other nurses and phlebs shoved cold packs under my arms and up my shirt and on my neck; but the one digging for oil would not give up!  I could still feel her trying and it was making life so much worse - I cursed her and her poor listening skills at that moment.
I felt someone put a Emesis bag up to my mouth and ask me if I was going to get sick.
Hell yes I was, but I could not tell her that so I fought back the urge.

"She opened her eyes!"

News to me!  I'm still blind as a baby kitten!

"Her pupils are BLOWN!"

Great to hear!  Let me panic some more in my completely blind and frozen state!

"All finished!  I got all 10!"

Jesus?!  Is that you?

"We need to lay her down, hopefully she comes around!  Someone get the ER Doc!"

Ok, seriously people!  I can hear you!  You are scaring me!

I feel a bunch of them grab me and lift me up to put me in a wheelchair - to take me to the morgue, I assume.

"Oh, she is dead weight everyone, she is totally out!"

Oh no she is not!  She is listening to you and is about to piss her pants!

"Put her in room 6 and someone get a doctor!"

I feel myself start moving and I don't know if they rattled me back into my senses by picking me up or if the needle being away from me did the trick but I can feel things again.  Mainly - I am thirsty as HELL!

"So..............thirsty."  It was so hard for me to get that out.  I felt exhausted just saying it; still blind, but able to  squeak out words now.

"Did you hear her?! She said she was thirsty!  Get her juice"


Thanks Inspector Clouseau! Great call!

"She is coming around - she just broke out in a sweat; she'll be OK!"


Did you not hear me?!  I am THIRSTY!  Thirsty, I tell you!

Apple Juice is poured down my gullet and I can't quite swallow as fast as they are pouring; is this how waterboarding works?!

"What is her blood pressure?!  80/P!?  That is really low!"

Shut up!  It's always low and you are still scaring me - learn bedside manner!

I lay there for awhile in a froze state - feeling myself slowing regain control of my body.  Someone asks me to wiggle a finger.  I comply and win that round.  The horde leaves the room and I am left in cold, blind darkness.

My vision starts to clean and I am instantly frozen solid.  As quickly as I snapped into it, I snapped out of it.
I am lying in a bed in room 6, blood pressure cuff on, O2 Monitor clipped to my finger, covered in a trauma cold sheet.

The ER doc looks at me and waves.  I wave back.  He looked surprised as could be!

"You can see me OK?!

Um, I waved back.........

"Yes, and I feel fine.  I am freezing though, can I get a real blanket?  And maybe some more juice and a aspirin?!

I am given more juice and a cookie which I promptly toss; I am not upchucking chocolate chips all afternoon! Jason comes in and they finally release me into his "care."

I wander, yet again, out of the hospital, punch drunk and shaking.  The day before it was fun - this time not so much.

Lesson of the day - I will always be a puss when it comes to needles and that is fine by me.  My grandpa Doug hated them just as much; so now when I have to get a stick, I will think of him and ask the he keep me and lil Ms. safe.  I've really been missing him a lot lately - probably preggo hormones but I have been wistful lately.

Jason turns 30 tomorrow so we are off to Granny Jeans for dinner and pressies!  Can't wait for my first round of "can I touch your tummy!"

Have a great week!

One tired momma!

Friday, July 13, 2012

The Appendix Ninja

For the last few months I have been having problems with my tummy.  I ignored it;  figuring that I was just eating garbage or too many gluten and carbs.  Then, I got pudgy and the scale at the gym began to tell me vicious lies about my weight.  I was working out as often as Jason, I was eating the same food he was; I even added extra yoga time but the "pouch" wouldn't budge.  Finally on Tuesday (7.10.12) I gave up and went to the doctor.
I was in some serious pain.  My stomach was /killing/ me - I thought my appendix was about to blow and take my Gall Bladder and most of my Stomach with it.  I wandered into Urgent Care and was see pretty quickly.  My  doctor came in, pushed on my belly (which was sore) and told me rather calmly that my stomach was very distended and she wanted me to get into a ultrasound to see what was going on in there.  On the way I slipped into the lab to leave my first of many UA's and walked, terrified into the dimly lit room.
The ultra sound tech was adorable.  She was telling me how she had her appendix out and how her boyfriend spoiled her the whole time; it wouldn't be so bad to have it out.  She was reassuring me as she globed the gel on my stomach and reached for the wand; prepared to find my enormously busted appendix.
.4 seconds after that wand hit my Stomach she looked at me with the biggest eyes and went; "did you know about this", while swinging the monitor around.
I had no idea that your appendix looked like a baby and did flips and other tricks.
I almost fell off the table.
The tech wandered out of the room mumbling something about getting my doctor.
I stared at the blank screen, trying to summon the picture back up.

History Lesson 1:
For about the last 7 years I have been dealing with PCOS - a fertility issue that my doctor(s) told me left me almost completely infertile.  If I ever wanted babies, I would have to go round for round in IVF, IUI or meds.  It was going to be a massive uphill battle and I would probably end up never having a biological child of my own.  

I called Jason and told him that I was pretty sure there was a baby in there and he should probably come right away.

In wanders my punch drunk ultra sound tech and my VERY German doctor; "Oh, yes, yes!  This makes sense!  We just got your UA results back and you have a positive pregnancy."
Yes German lady, that would make sense.  Let me see this thing again!

In my head I was spazing out - losing my freaking mind.  I was convinced that they were screwing with me.  "The German's do have a weird sense of humor, maybe she finds this funny?!  How did I get pregnant? Well I know HOW, when?!   How am I going to get this bean to 9 months!  9 months feels like F.O.R.E.V.E.R!  Will I even be able to tell it is a baby?!  Where is Jason?!  Remember to breath moron........"

Oh Fate - you tricky minx!

Doctor Deutschland told the Tech to look at it again so more gel and WHAM!

"Oh......My........Yep!  That is baby!"

The tech goes to turn the screen again and I prepare myself for a bean - I hardly caught a glimpse of it the first time before my Tech wandered out of the room - I think I imagined what I saw.  There is no way I saw what I thought I saw.  They turn the screen and I am staring down a BABY!  Like a baby - baby.
Not a shrimp, not a jelly bean, not a blob.  A baby.  A baby that was waving at me and kept shoving it's thumb in it's sweet little mouth.

W.T.F!!!!!!!??!?

I stare at the screen while my Tech tried to show me the arms, legs, ears, feet.  She is measuring the baby and taking screen shots.  I kept asking her if this was real......was she sure it was mine?  Was it a video?  I hate the TV show Punk'd - I had best not be on it!!!!
She assured me it was mine and I started coming out of my daze - just staring at this little human that was fluttering around and waving at me.  Like "Hi momma!  What the hell took you so long?!"

I asked the tech about how old it was and after a quick measurement of the head she looked at me all bug eyed and went - 18 weeks give or take one."

EXCUSE ME?!

They really need to consider adding sides to the beds in the ultrasound suites - I almost tumbled out of it again.  

Eventually Jason showed up and shit started to get real.  I was shaking like a leaf and was lightheaded; I asked to hear the heart beat - 138 BPM - Oh, shit.  the waterworks kick in and I'm done for.  This is for real!
Then, the Tech asked us if we wanted to know what we were having.  Wait, Seriously?!  We can do that today?!  Throw it at us, the day could not get anymore surreal.

After trying to coax it into a position besides it's face (it likes it picture taken, just like momma!) I got it to do a complete flip and BOTTOMS UP!  It took her less then a second to go, "You are totally having a girl."
I automatically threw up a fist pump.  YES!  I don't know why.  The whole time she was measuring and snapping pictures of her, I just kept thinking "Let it be healthy."  Apparently I subconsciously wanted a girl.....

The Tech finished up, wiped off my belly, and handed Jason a wad of pictures.  Somehow I ended back up in  the doctor's office; it is all a bit dazy.

Doctor Deutschland congratulates us and tells us to enjoy the next 4 1/2 months (EXCUSE ME?!  :Panic time:) and sends me on my way.

I wander out of the hospital, punch drunk, blissful and slightly confused.  I have to keep looking at the pictures to make sure it is real.  My name is on it, must be.

Jason tells me that he knew I was pregnant, he is not even fazed.

I go home and take a nap staring at this picture until I fall asleep.

A picture of our little appendix ninja baby.
   
                                                     

Life is good.

<3

One happy Momma