History Lesson 2 -
If you know me, you know that the word "needle" puts me into a panic so deep that I used to black out just thinking of a needle anywhere near me. After bottoms-upping the 3000 time after a simple blood draw, I decided I need to conqure the fear. It is just a tiny piece of metal. So I became a Phlebotomist and scared the hell out of others with needles. I thought I was cured, I can take a blood draw without throwing up anymore; as long as I don't watch!
Flash forward to Wednesday (7.11.12). After the excitement of the day before, the doctors decided that I was a bit far along in the pregnancy to not been seen tout suite; so they scheduled me for my first pre-natal appointment for the following morning.
My appointment went eye opening - it made me realize that I would rather squat her out in my front yard then have her at RCMC so we are currently looking into other options for pre-natal and delivery. I want a say in my birth plan; Mayo Health Systems basically wants to strap me down, force a epidural and yank her out. Then, charge my insurance $10,000 for a glass of water and boot us home. Yeah.
Thanks again Republicans - "ObamaCare" is soooooooooo horrible! It would cover me and my daughter - GOD forbid! How socialist!
:Harrumph:
So after dealing with my nurse for a hour, who looked like a female version of Doogie Howser but knew far less, I was sent toddling down to the lab (again!) for yet another UA and blood labs.
Peeing in a cup = nailed it.
Walking into a draw station to see 10.......yes TEN (Zehn, Dix, Diez, Shi, Diec!!!) blood vials just waiting for me = I would have peed my pants if there was any left!
I'm little. Not like a midget. Or a elf. or a Smurf. But I'm still little. And thus, I have itty, bitty veins. That like to hide and roll. They are a phlebotomists worst nightmare and coaxing out 1 or 2 vials would have been a feat unto itself but apparently they were feeling Herculean!
I sat down with the confidence of Mitt Romney at a NAACP meeting. =D
I stared those vials down. Each one bigger then the next. I pretended there was only a handful, looked at the clock and figured in 5 minutes I'd be walking out.
I'm so cute when I try and control my destiny.
My phleb walked in and I gave her the run down, "myveins suck, you won't hit them, they roll, give up now."
She was a cocky one; like I used to be. She went straight for the vein that I told her was a fake. It looks HUGE but as soon as a needle goes anywhere near it, it dives for my fat and hides.
"Just a pinch!"
Just a pinch, my ass! I swear to you, it was a 8 gauge needle! At least that is what it felt like!
I made the ultimate blunder of glancing at my arm while the needle was in - and instantly started seeing spots. So I started taking deep breathes to try and fight them off. I am usually good - once I see spots, I breathe, ignore the phleb and they go away. Well, at about the same time she lost the flow of blood.
So there is a game phlebs play called "wiggle the damn needle until you strike red gold or your patient passes out." She was going for the gold!
I looked over again, saw three filled vials and her jamming that vacu-needle back and forth in my arm and watch the spots get bigger.
I literally whispered, "Pretty sure I'm going to faint on you....." then everything went black.
I was blind! I could hear her and everything going on around me but I could not move or speak or make a squeak. I heard a stampede of people rush into the room all yelling for stuff.
"So this is how I'm going to die......"
The other nurses and phlebs shoved cold packs under my arms and up my shirt and on my neck; but the one digging for oil would not give up! I could still feel her trying and it was making life so much worse - I cursed her and her poor listening skills at that moment.
I felt someone put a Emesis bag up to my mouth and ask me if I was going to get sick.
Hell yes I was, but I could not tell her that so I fought back the urge.
"She opened her eyes!"
News to me! I'm still blind as a baby kitten!
"Her pupils are BLOWN!"
Great to hear! Let me panic some more in my completely blind and frozen state!
"All finished! I got all 10!"
Jesus?! Is that you?
"We need to lay her down, hopefully she comes around! Someone get the ER Doc!"
Ok, seriously people! I can hear you! You are scaring me!
I feel a bunch of them grab me and lift me up to put me in a wheelchair - to take me to the morgue, I assume.
"Oh, she is dead weight everyone, she is totally out!"
Oh no she is not! She is listening to you and is about to piss her pants!
"Put her in room 6 and someone get a doctor!"
I feel myself start moving and I don't know if they rattled me back into my senses by picking me up or if the needle being away from me did the trick but I can feel things again. Mainly - I am thirsty as HELL!
"So..............thirsty." It was so hard for me to get that out. I felt exhausted just saying it; still blind, but able to squeak out words now.
"Did you hear her?! She said she was thirsty! Get her juice"
Thanks Inspector Clouseau! Great call!
"She is coming around - she just broke out in a sweat; she'll be OK!"
Did you not hear me?! I am THIRSTY! Thirsty, I tell you!
Apple Juice is poured down my gullet and I can't quite swallow as fast as they are pouring; is this how waterboarding works?!
"What is her blood pressure?! 80/P!? That is really low!"
Shut up! It's always low and you are still scaring me - learn bedside manner!
I lay there for awhile in a froze state - feeling myself slowing regain control of my body. Someone asks me to wiggle a finger. I comply and win that round. The horde leaves the room and I am left in cold, blind darkness.
My vision starts to clean and I am instantly frozen solid. As quickly as I snapped into it, I snapped out of it.
I am lying in a bed in room 6, blood pressure cuff on, O2 Monitor clipped to my finger, covered in a trauma cold sheet.
The ER doc looks at me and waves. I wave back. He looked surprised as could be!
"You can see me OK?!
Um, I waved back.........
"Yes, and I feel fine. I am freezing though, can I get a real blanket? And maybe some more juice and a aspirin?!
I am given more juice and a cookie which I promptly toss; I am not upchucking chocolate chips all afternoon! Jason comes in and they finally release me into his "care."
I wander, yet again, out of the hospital, punch drunk and shaking. The day before it was fun - this time not so much.
Lesson of the day - I will always be a puss when it comes to needles and that is fine by me. My grandpa Doug hated them just as much; so now when I have to get a stick, I will think of him and ask the he keep me and lil Ms. safe. I've really been missing him a lot lately - probably preggo hormones but I have been wistful lately.
Jason turns 30 tomorrow so we are off to Granny Jeans for dinner and pressies! Can't wait for my first round of "can I touch your tummy!"
Have a great week!
One tired momma!